def no subject or title

-i am interested in never ever being ironic or expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature

-i am one of those people who relies heavily on their senses, but lacks sensitivity

-an unsent letter:
seriously, i feel like i'm in a stable over here (this claim/pretense also applies to "myfriendship" with our mutual friends) ya'll are crazy. the motherfucking cult, man... so good.

xo
----

p.s. sorry if i seem like i've been stalking you or obsessing, it's just that i've been very bored lately. i guess that doesn't mean i haven't been stalking you just a teeny bit, but you started it.

p.p.s. yeah, okay, i sound crazy (not like cult crazy),but i don't feel crazy. i think maybe girls sometimes go through this thing where they want to get 'real' with people, but when they go and try it they discover that people don't understand them very well. see, but i don't know if this scenario merits craziness or not. that's probably something i should think about. i should not send this letter to a stranger. oh man. yeah. if i send this i'm crazy, if i keep it i'm just stoned.

-a sent letter (unresponded to):
jibber jabber.


i almost sent you the craziest 4 am stoned message the other night, but then thought better of it and deleted. now i'm thinking you may have appreciated it. hm. oh well.

am i creeping you out with all the e-communications? i know i barely know you and all, but what can i say? i like fresh meat.

-to a picture of S & K: so, are you guys actually out in the daylight here, or is that just a trick of the camera? either way, when ever this was taken you were definitely up to no good and suddenly i feel uncooler than usual.

-the garbage is piling up for no good reason. the weather is insane. the tap water is tainted. there is no silence. the birds are unafraid. i feel like a ghost. nothing is fresh. everything is a distraction. the television has won. i am shameful. music is cold. sex is dry and repulsive. my hand is heavy. my step is heavy. i sleep heavy and dreamless when i'm lucky. i'm so worried that i can't even be bothered to remember that there's a war going on. most importantly, when it's over, all of this is going to mean nothing. i mean none of this is going to mean anything. i want to live in appalachia or a small town somewhere, maybe alaska. i've got it; apocalypse fever.

-the only gem i have is at the bottom of a shot glass. i suppose i would be able to say which kind it is if i had ever cared much for gems, but i haven't. i can describe it. it's amber colored

-the gift to perceive and the curse to forget, or the curse to perceive and the gift to forget? which is more appealing?

crackpot

an interesting thing to research:
whether or not there is an optomological link to understanding perception. a person's vision (20/20, 20/30 etc.) and the type of damage (or lack there of) which results in their vision being the way it is could possibly be an indication of how a person perceives in general. if you consider that when a person suffers the loss of a sense (hearing, sight, etc) one or more of their other sensory organs will strengthen to compensate for that loss. this happens because the individual is made to rely on these other senses more than they normally would. likewise, if a person possess all 5 of their senses they still do so to varying degrees (some people are near sighted, some people have acute senses of smell) this might be because for some psychological or neurological reason they choose to rely on one sense more than another. if a person does not find it necessary to clearly see everything around them, their visual capabilities will weaken and the entire sense will become more prone to damage of different types. perhaps the way in which one literally sees and consequently perceives the world around them would determine which facets of their vision would deteriorate first, for example, perhaps a highly insecure person would rely heavily on their sense of sight because they are unsure about their own judgment and therefore would have strong eyes and relatively clear vision. or, a person who is near sighted might be self centered and majorly concerned with immediate things or something like that. i couldn't start categorizing yet because i don't know what means what, but you get what i'm saying.

this is just a thought

i can't tell if, when i think i'm stupid, i'm feeling sorry for myself, or having a moment of clarity. and when i'm doubting my abilities, i can't tell if i'm in the right, or i'm stifling genious (crazy genious).